Hurty Gertie

So I did start “Vitamin P” aka an anti-depressant after all. I have very little guidance with this, and I certainly don’t want to add fuel to the fire that the pain is all in my head and some good drugs would “cure” me.

If you’d asked me why I am taking it shortly before I started, I would have answered:

Because I'm still feeling some twitches, no matter how close to "Clinical Remission" I might be. And I'm so tired. SO TIRED. SO TIRED. And drinking soda by the truckload.

But then I stopped cold turkey the day after I took my first anti-depressant. Bam. I didn’t need soda to stay awake any more. I still had random yawning attacks where my eyes would well up and I’d have a good “cry” aka tearing session that had nothing to do with being sad, just my eyes hurting and tearing massively like a cry but just flushing out my system. Trust me it’s really damn weird.

I’ve been on it a few weeks, and it’s like I’m a new person. I don’t have the little twinges of pain, much. I have so much energy it’s insane.

Sorry, poor choice of words.

And yes, I was (am?) depressed. Before I swelled up all bizarrely in Nov 2009, I was going to go talk to the Cool PA about my tiredness and what I could no longer deny was depression.

Instead I swelled up like a bad brawurst and went on biologics instead.

But then I hit a wall. I was caught in a loop where I was as good as I was going to get, so I finally went and got the meds.

I’ve had to do some adjustments, as after the first month they weren’t working as well, tweaking the dose and formulation with the help of the Cool PA.

We’ll see how it goes …

Clinical remission in PsA can be conceptualized as a complete absence of disease activity, with no signs or symptoms of active disease.

Clinical remission in PsA requires absence of disease activity in all facets of disease. This definition allows for continued treatment, if necessary to maintain response.

“Near remission” or “low disease activity” are different from “remission”, but might be an appropriate goal for individual patients.

The measurement of the various facets of PsA disease activity should utilise outcome measures and instruments validated in PsA; until validated instruments are not available, surrogate measures developed for other diseases can be used.

I love using the code tag for that – I know an indent would do but you know, sometimes I feel like my doctors and these websites are speaking to me in code. Here’s my cite.

That’s why I lurk anonymously on RAWarrior. Even though PsA isn’t exactly the same as, and in some way “easier” than RA, clinically they are very similar. And there frankly aren’t any PsA bloggers out there, and I’ve only “met” one other patient – on the phone randomly and I never spoke to her again.

So this is where we think I am. Clinical Remission. I’m starting to stagger out the TNF shots, among other things, and we’ll see how I react to it. Dr Cool kind of waxed generally about a patient who learned to recognize when a flare was coming and would give herself a shot just before it really took hold, but I’m not sure if that was meant to be illustrative or anecdotal of things to “look forward” to.

But if I’m so damned tired, why is she calling it a remission?

I didn’t start taking the laundry list I posted back in December. Lazy, busy, whatever. I was already starting to feel better, so why muck with it?

The new year and holidays were quiet and busy, with lots of travelling. I met the new year with full doctor’s appointments and fun times poking and prodding. Everyone said from Dr Cool to my parents to my husband to my friends that my swelling was down, and I could see it.

My pain was down. Everything except that stupid little thing of needing 10 hours a day of sleep and tons of soda to keep me going. I know I’m addicted to soda – the next task is to see how or if I can kick it. Losing those calories won’t hurt me, either.

Happy happies. May you all have a better this year than the last.

This is not a paid endorsement but I LOvE Land’s End shoes.

I was so afraid many years ago when they were bought out that they’d nuke their guarantees, and the quality would suck (well, on some things it does) but I’ve been very happy with most things I’ve gotten from them (and gotten satisfaction or money back on the other).

It’s tough to find comfy shoes when you have Rheumatoid Arthritis or Psoriatic Arthritis; when you have bizzare mondo feet like mine it’s even harder.

But their Trekker Mary Janes rock. I’m in a semi-casual work environment so they are perfect for me. Some days, just knowing I don’t have to wear heels and my work shoes won’t hurt is relief enough.