Hurty Gertie

So that’s the last cornerstone of where I’m taking this next year. More exercise, better job, lose weight, eat better, add vitamins. Including a version of “Vitamin P Doctor Local and the Cool PA whole heartedly endorse.

The Cool PA went over it a bit with me, why I wanted an anti-depressant and I struggled a bit, giving my history with anti-depressants and why I felt I was at a place it would help if we were suited for each other. But I got there. I tried not to panic; which I can do when “questioned” – but he really wanted to know. It’s part of prescribing it, duh, because you can’t do a blood test or ultrasound and scribble something out. You have to talk about it (ANOTHER thing I’m notoriously hard at, present anonymous internet company excepted).

So I have this scrip. I haven’t filled it yet. But I have it. I will.

So I’m starting a slew of new vitamins. Some on the recommendation of doctor local, some on the recommendation of friends, some of the recommendation of family. Or against, depending on the family.

It’s weird having people with such strong opinions around me; on the one hand they push my research and questioning further, on the other hand, one has to dance delicately among their varied advice.

So I’m adding vitamins but not dumping the TNF inhibitor at this point (though curiously Dr Local says it won’t kill me since it’s done just about all it can do for now). And trying to get in better shape. Physically, emotionally, mentally.

I’ve hit some kind of plateau, I think. I can handle a full time job at 45-65 watts now, but I don’t know about jumping into a 100 watt job. I’d like to lose more weight first and see if I can pop my energy higher first. So I’m adding the vitamins (based on what my medical professionals told me).

• Add – Fish Oil – Per Doc Local
• Vitamin D + Calcium in some “special” formulation – ok by Doc Local, ok by Cool PA
• Some placebo – Dr Local says it can’t hurt me, Cool PA says it’s a placebo but it won’t hurt me
• Some other thing that’s supposed to make the placebo work – Cool PA and Dr Local says it won’t hurt me
• Vitamin E – Both Doc Local and Cool PA say StAy aWaY

Maybe they are placebos, maybe they aren’t. I dunno. Maybe it is magical compounding, maybe it’s magical thinking. At least I know that except for Vitamin E it won’t hurt me.

First, because I prefer to let my weekends be weekends, second because the insurance companies I subscribe to aren’t open on weekends anyway unless I’m bleeding out (and sometimes not even then) so why bother.

The Month of Decidering is upon us. I see before me two insurance plans and they both SUCK.

So I don’t know what really to do except go get a new job. I’ve been ruminating on this since Doctor Day and I don’t have any other decent option. I need one anyway, because I need stability that a job a small local company (all I’ve been doing lately since my big lay off a few years ago) won’t provide.

I hate worrying. But I try to keep it off the weekends.

Seriously. My TNF prescription is OUT. I saw Doc Local last week or the week before and she gave me the scrip (unusual). I’ve called the new specialty pharmacy three times and they have NOTHING. I’ve called the doctor’s office twice, despite their voice mail recorder saying not to (and I was very careful and specific about telling it I HAVE NO MEDS).

Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zippo. Non. Zero. No calls to me. No calls to insurance. Nothing. I am spitting mad right now. Tempted to call into work late tomorrow and plant butt in a reception room chair until this is resolved.

And you pull out a little sign from behind your back that says “Yikes!?!?!”.

That was the feeling a few days back on my day of doctors I have every other month. After researching and researching my options for health insurance, I ended up getting stuck with a new plan. The kids’ doctors take it. My Rheumy takes it. My PCP? Not so much.

And because I was tired of calling around the new health insurance plan of the day, I neglected to call my PCP when we signed up (not like we had a choice). I guess somewhere in my head I figured by the time it came up I’d have reached my insurance threshold qualifying for my new company and I’d have a choice.

Guess what? My insurance plan at my job is the SAME INSURANCE PLAN at my husband’s company. Annoying, I thought at the time. (Today would have been the first day since that day I started working full time in April that I qualified for this plan.)

So when I got to my PCP, I signed in, handed over my card and go the bad news. They don’t take this insurance. Never have, never will.

“Yikes?!”

They let me pay cash, but gol dang. And they want me to have a liver ultrasound again, and I’ve got this infection on my foot (antibiotic cream for the win, TNF inhibitors I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW), but he erupted my allergy meds and approved my new vitamin schedule (mostly) and

YIKES.

Need a new job, stat. Coincidentally, my connection at the Circus Maximus is quitting her 100 watt job there. I had planned to apply in the spring for a 60 watt job there and work my way up. Apply for the 100 watt job and jump straight into the lion’s den? 65 and work my way in? Or go work my butt off looking for a job for a city or something to get stability and insurance in a 45 watt job?

The deal is, though, that the 100 watt job will pay much better than the 65 or 45. But be that much harder, of course. And I don’t know if I can do that any more, no matter how much better I’m feeling.